President of Pretend-Poem from me. Needs Feedback and thoughts on if you think I could get published!?

I think that you should take this piece back and edit it. I would not publish it, however there are websites who might pick it up and charge you a fortune to buy a book they put it in.. personally I think it needs a fair bit of work and I found it tedious, which could just be my shade today, so I will star it in the hopes one of my more knowledgeable contacts will either confirm or deny my answer.